What if I had power?
I want the world to be as good as it can be for everyone. I would seek the perfect balance.
However, if I am honest with myself (and one can never be anything but honest to oneself subconsciously) I can be disdainful, vindictive, and self righteous. I feel I might be holding myself back from developing agency over the world around me to keep from dealing with the person I could easily become.
I need to change how I respond to irritation and frustration. I need to rewire myself. I need to make myself worthy of the ability to reshape the world.